Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
