everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
