It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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