He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
false alarm. still invincible.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
