How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
