Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
