Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
