reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
