things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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