so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
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