I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
