My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
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