If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
