I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
