The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
