The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
