I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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