You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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