We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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