Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Randomize
