she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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