when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
