Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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