she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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