let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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