Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
