I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
