Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Small penises have feelings too.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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