Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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