its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
