But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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