I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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