I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
