Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
