How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
