took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
