Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
