I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
