I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
