she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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