Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
