We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
