dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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