Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
