The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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