Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
