You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
