i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
