I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
