She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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