remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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